Here I Am Again
by Dautr abr du Sundavar
Summary: Tom thought he didn't believe in miracles anymore. Well, a certain song changed that. Third story in Redemption.


**A/N: Howdy again, y'all. :) For the readers of :Das Gesellen zum Feind"...I'm working on it. I swear I am. But I've gotten to a certain point where I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to put it into words. It's just...ARGH! Ahem...sorry. Sometimes you just have to scream, you know? But I swear, all my muses are flipping me the bird. BAD MUSES! BAD! THAT IS _NOT NICE!_ Ahem...anyways, I toyed with the idea for this story for quite a while before deciding to write it. But here we are, and here it is. :D ALSO! I have two other Christian Alex Rider fanfics - "Please, God" and "Born Again" - in this series. I strongly urge (read: command with every ounce of authority I have x}) you to read them first, in that order. This'll make much more sense then. :) Okay, I've blabbered on for long enough. Onward!**

**Disclaimer: I own neither the Alex Rider series nor the song "Undo" by Rush of Fools.  
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_Alex is a Christian._

_Yeah, it's true. I can hardly believe it, but that just goes to show that you can never predict some people – even your best friend._

_When he first told me about it, I thought it was a joke. But he was deadly serious. He said that Jack had converted first, and it was her faith that eventually kept him from killing himself. When he mentioned that, I think my eyeballs fell onto the floor. I knew his life had been pretty bad, but to end it? That's intense. Again, though, he was serious. He doesn't have the knife anymore – he said it was an ugly reminder (perfect word choice, coming from Pretty-Boy Alex. That remark earned me a punch in the arm.) of the crap his life used to be, or he would have shown me. He said that he had also talked to that Blunt guy at MI6 and that they wouldn't be bothering him about spy work anymore. He seems different, too, very different.. He seems...happier. More at peace. I remember when my house was like that. Happy. Peaceful. Man, I miss it._

The sound of something breaking downstairs broke Tom out of his reverie. He sighed – his parents were screaming at each other again. He reached over to the other side of his desk and picked up his trusty headphones and iPod. He started his favorite – and loudest – playlist and got back to writing.

_When Mum and Dad acted like the Christians they say they are, things were a lot different. It was quieter, for one. And they were actually civil to each other. But it was more than that. They were united in their love – for each other, and for God. God. Now there's a guy I haven't thought about in a while. These days, I'm not sure...I don't know if there really is a God, or if all the Christians and Jews and whoever else are deluded. I do know that I don't believe in miracles anymore._

Tom broke off writing and swore as his music suddenly stopped. He glanced at the iPod's screen – low battery. Great. He sighed and plugged it in while listening for further sounds of parental conflict.

_Still going,_ he thought. He sighed again as he reflected on his parents' constant arguing. He plugged his headphones into his radio and turned it on, flipping to a random station and turning the volume up.

"_I've been here before  
Now here I am again  
Standing at the door  
Prayin'  
You'll let me back in_

_What kind of song is this?_ Tom thought. It sounded familiar...oh, yeah. It was one of the songs he stopped listening to around the time the divorce started. He began to switch to another station, but froze as the singer began the next part.

"_To label me  
A prodigal would be  
Only scratching the surface  
Of who I've been known to be_

_No way,_ he thought. It was just some freaky coincidence that the one song that followed from what he had been writing started playing right at the second he turned on the radio. Besides, he wasn't the Prodigal Son. He hadn't run away from home. Or had he?

"_Turn me around  
Pick me up  
Undo what I've become  
Bring me back  
To the place  
Of forgiveness and grace_

If the "place of forgiveness and grace" was home...then yes, he had run. But it wasn't as though he had been doing drugs or killing people. He had been good. But...

"_I need You  
I need Your help  
I can't do this myself_

_You're the only One_

_Who can undo_

_What I've become_

If what he had always been told was true – and he had no particular reason to believe one way pr the other, anymore – then people didn't get into Heaven – which he assumed was the song's "place of forgiveness and grace" – on their own. Maybe...maybe the people singing the song had it right. Maybe.

"_I focused on the score  
But I could never win  
Trying to ignore  
A life  
Of hiding my sin_

He had nothing to hide. He knew that being a good person didn't equate to Christianity – but they had to count for something, right? He had never killed anyone. He had never done anything to get arrested. Well, there was that one time...he hadn't been caught, but he had still done it...oh, and that other time...with a jolt of guilt, Tom realized that he wasn't as sinless as he thought he was.

"_To label me  
A hypocrite would be  
Only scratching the surface  
Of who I've been known to be_

He had never claimed to be perfect. Far from it. But there were times when he said one thing and did another – the textbook definition of a hypocrite. He sighed, almost consumed by his thoughts and the song – yet never once did he consider changing the station.

"_Turn me around  
Pick me up  
Undo what I've become  
Bring me back  
To the place  
Of forgiveness and grace_

Maybe he should reconsider his stance on Christianity. Alex would probably help him with that, Tom mused. The other boy had stressed to Tom that he was basically blundering through his faith, but Alex knew his friend, and would know exactly what he needed to hear.

"_I need You  
I need Your help  
I can't do this myself  
You're the only One  
Who can undo  
What I've become_

Then again, maybe he should have some one-on-one time with God first. Yeah, that was probably a good idea. Right where he was sitting, Tom bowed his head and closed his eyes – actions that had become automatic during his younger years, but ones he hadn't performed for a long time.

"_May every step  
Lead me back to  
The sovereign  
Way that You _

_God,_ he began, _I'll be honest with you. I don't know if You're really there. There, I said it. I'm not ready to fully say "here I am, I am Yours" and all that. But...I am ready to say that maybe you're not some heartless personification of human hopes. I know – I'm not exactly jumping back in. But I haven't really seen evidence of You for a while – even before Mum and Dad started screaming at each other every day. But like I said...I'm reconsidering._

"_Turn me around  
Pick me up  
Undo what I've become  
Bring me back  
To the place  
Of forgiveness and grace_

_God...if you're listening...turn me around. Pick me up. Undo what I've become. Home sure isn't a place of forgiveness and grace anymore – so please, bring me back to Yours. I...I dunno. Just..._

"_I need You  
I need Your help  
I can't do this myself  
(Jesus)  
You're the only One  
Who can undo_

_I do need You. I do need your help. Cause I definitely can't do this myself. Huh. Not the most original speech in the world, but I hope it'll do. Cause God, you really are the only One Who can help me here._

"_You are the only One  
Who can undo_

Tom raised his head and opened his eyes. Strange, the wall in front of him was blurry. He blinked a few times and was startled to discover tears. He reached for a tissue box and smiled wryly – he had always had a low opinion of people who cried while praying. _Just something else to change,_ he thought.

"_You are the only One  
Who can undo  
What I've become_

Reaching a decision, Tom threw away the tissue and wrote a note to his parents. He would leave it by the door on his way out. He and Alex had a lot of talking to do. But before he left his room, he remembered something and went back over to his desk. He grabbed a pencil, reopened his journal, and scribbled, _Then again, maybe miracles really do happen._

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**A/N: Sort of continuing the top author's note...I'm giving a name to this series! It'll be called "Redemption," and I hope that it will be expanded to more characters being saved. I'll even do prequels for people who have died. So if you have a request, leave a review and tell me! And tell me what you thought of the story while you're there, if you please. xD**


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